April 2010
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It took me about 25 years to learn one of the most important lessons of my life:...
– -Pete Wentz [via twitter]
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I said from the start that you could take it or leave it,
I prefer that you keep it…
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Disorder in the Court No. 05
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
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Brad gave one of the best speeches I have ever heard or at least paid attention to in my life.I think he’s really smart in a humble way… ALL HAIL BBB!!! ♥♥♥ aw..and Happy Graduation!!!
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All you’ve ever wanted
Was someone to truly look up to you,
And six feet...
– -The Little Things Give You Away [Minutes To Midnight]
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Detox to Retox: the man vs. the underdog
retox:
Sarcasm is wonderful. When the man has robbed the underdog of all his power, the underdog still can talk shit to take the man down. I was an underdog my entire life. So I was always a sarcastic asshole. Because, in all honesty: everyone I’d met was full of shit. And so I spread my gospel. And then my brothers and sisters supported me. And now I can eat And thus I can make a living doing...
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Disorder in the Court No. 04
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
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Disorder in the Court No. 03
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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My Dinosaur Life
jessicaxmaria:
zomgannalolz:
Every little “review” of each song is my first impression/thought as I listen to the album as a whole. I’ve listened to three of the songs 2385734 times already, but not in context. Here we go:
Worker Bee: I don’t know if you guys can tell too, but whenever I hear the first song of every MCS album, I always know that it is the first song of the album. Y’know?...
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Guess who’s got it figured out?
I’ll let you in on something secret…
***disturbing and ingenious.
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The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil... →
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Disorder in the Court No. 02
Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
Witness: "Er...his face."
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There’s a voice, there’s a voice, there’s a voice in my...
– -Pharmaceuticals
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PRC FORMS....familiar feeling?? →
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32 WAYS TO TICK PEOPLE OFF
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Insist on keeping your car windshield...
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Disorder in the Court No. 01
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
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I just miss what I thought we both had…
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She’s what’s keeping me alive,
She’s the pizza of my eye,...
– -Justin Pierre, Motion City Soundtrack
[Antonia, Even If It Kills Me]
***sweetest lyrics ever! ♥♥♥
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“The best birthday present I ever got was 10 minutes after I was...
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I didn’t know it was hot in the middle,
I touched it once then I touched...
– -Justin Pierre, Motion City Soundtrack
[Delirium, My Dinosaur Life]
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I get the feeling we’re onto something,
I say jump and you start...
– -Jonathan Cook